Thursday, September 06, 2007

So I spent the afternoon crying over Little Women. You know the version with Elizabeth Taylor. I love the movie in all it's forms and funny thing is, I've never read the book. Hm, maybe I should.

There are two parts that get me every time. The part where Jo sells her hair for her mother's coach fare to get to her father. Her mother says, "Your hair will grow back, but you'll never be as beautiful as you are right now." Sob.
Then at the end. The professor brings her published book and says,"I have nothing to offer but my heart and these empty hands." She takes his hand and says, "Not empty now." Sob again.

Big baby, I am.

I got an email today from a man I've met in person 3 times. He lives in another state and has just started spinning this summer. We've had some good talks about fibery stuff. He's very interesting and the engineer in him looks at this in a very technical way so his emails always stretch me as well as remind me how much I do know.
Anyhow, he told me that he's just been diagnosed with a form of Leukemia. His prognosis is good but I probably won;t be seeing him again until next summer. I cried like a baby. I've met the man 3 times for crying out loud! Maybe too much cancer in my life this summer.

I'm tired. I don't usually like to complain here on the blog. I try to stay upbeat and positive in all areas but I don't know what's wrong with me. I need some sort of schedule and a good plan. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I'm finding myself hiding in my room more when I'm not at the shop. It's got to stop. I need to face things. Make a list of tasks that need to be done and a schedule for completing them.

A Plan.

O.K. I'm glad I wrote this.
I don't know if any of what I'm saying will make sense to anyone else but there it is.

9 comments:

--Deb said...

Sounds like good reasons to be weepy to me . . .

. . . (Although, the book is better.)

Nora & Ky's Lulu said...

You know I'm a list girl. Start easy like:
1) Brush teeth
2) Make the bed.
3) Let Buster live.
... You get more done than you admit.

AllyB said...

Sometimes you just need to give yourself a good talking to. Sounds like you did a pretty good job right here. I'll send some good vibes your way from my OCD self and maybe that will help you get a plan in the works. I think I can get them to you from GR...

Becky said...

I've been feeling the same way. I'm blaming it on the time of year - it's been unbearably hot and humid for too long. As soon as some cooler, dryer weather gets here, you'll feel much more upbeat. Trust me. I'm am ever wise.

Alpaca Granny said...

I feel bad for you, Beth, 'cause I find myself where you are occasionally. Chemicals help. No, I'm not a junky but know I sometimes need extra help.

Gammy aka Peggy said...

Makes perfect sense. Everything joins in together and turns into thie huge, ugly, black hole monster. It is hopeless, life is hopeless. I want to be like Hamlet said, "O, that this too too solid flesh would melt Thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God! How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world!
And then I spew it out with my husband or even just myself and realize, one step at a time. One project at a time. And little by little the sun begins to rise within. :) You aren't a big baby!!! And yes, you should read the book, I cried. :)

Donna B said...

hugs to you!

been there! I hope you find a routine that helps you.

historicstitcher said...

How come you haven't been sharing this? When we sit and brainstorm, the fact that you're feeling completely overwhelmed in _important_!

*hug*

Just let me know what I can do to help. Do you want to make it a regular thing for you to come visit me, too? Or is it too much to do?

I have siliar feelings, someimes. Hang in there, pray, and count the many, many blessings you have. The best cure for the blues that I've ever found is to do something for somebody else. Spend a lunchtime at a food shelter, pay the bridge toll for the car behind me, pay for the fast food of the person behind me, give the checkout person a lollipop...little things that leave you feeling good, but anonymous.

Kate A. said...

Oh, Beth! It's good to tell us, at least! Small steps are good! Little Women is good! (I agree better in the book, of course, but it's also got some REALLY slow bits but you can skip those. Also, I *always* loved Professor Baehr and thought Laurie was sweet but - eh. Glad to know you're a Prof. Baehr fan too! =] )

I'm feeling a big bipolar myself lately...euphoric for obvious reasons (*never have to see my advisor again ya-HOO*) but also overwhelmed by my travel-document nightmare and having to stay with friends and live out of suitcase and take care of a million expensive bureaucratic details, etc...and once I go there I start thinking about the state of the world and get CRAZY. However - luckily I can not only knit, but now I can spin too! It's helping...